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“Try Heroin”
His best advice yet! Sent last night: “Reason #7, 486,213 not to get old: On nights that you realize you’re not going to get laid, old men like me start to literally FANTASIZE about jerking off. We...
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Ageism
And sadness. He sent this yesterday afternoon but I was TRYING TO STUDY… “Thanks for nothing, 13 year-old kid riding his skateboard with a full arm cast on. I was feeling pretty great about myself...
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The Porn Problem
It’s big… “Dude I think we’re running out of porn! Been seeing a lot of repeats lately, and a lot of “teens” who are clearly more like 30 year olds. Those braces don’t fool me! That being said,...
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How To Tell If You’re Old
Just think about this: “You know you’re getting old when you type “Jewish Porn” into Google.” So there you have it.
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Some Questions Shouldn’t Be Asked
Especially of him, because he might answer them… “Co-worker just asked me why I sometimes listen to music out loud and sometimes listen to music with my headphones on. I explained to him that I don’t...
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You Can Use His Computer
except for the following… “Anyone’s allowed to use my computer, so long as they don’t want to look at any websites that start with P, X, T, O, C, or W. All the other letters are at your disposal.” F...
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You Better Recognize
Or else something ridiculous will happen to you… “If you’re ever in a cafe (kill yourself) and you think you recognize an Asian woman sitting by herself from some porn you watched recently, don’t go up...
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“Egg Roll Recipe”
That’s what he calls it, and that’s what it is. Its also the story of a sad, sad man… “FUCKING AWESOME SECRET EGG ROLL RECIPE (Difficulty Level: Cool) 1. Buy one of those things of pre-made egg rolls...
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Thinking About It
Sometimes you have to… “Laptop broke because I spilled baby oil all over it. Don’t worry, I wasn’t alone. My landlady was there too. AnywayZ, being deprived of the Internet at home has reminded me of...
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Long Time No Post
Please please pardon the long delay in posts. A lot going on here, but who cares about all that, let’s get to the terrible advice, shall we? Pretend this little thing never happened? Just call it even?...
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